Episode 21 What a Night

Paul Reubens In 'Pee-Wee's Big Adventure'It was a beautiful Spring evening; the sun flirted with the mountaintops.  We sat on the front deck of Sporty’s when a drunk looking like Pee-Wee Herman without the bowtie rode his bicycle up the sidewalk. In this town, a drunk riding a horse up the sidewalk isn’t uncommon. But there was something different about this guy. He wasn’t a local and he had an attitude – and a prosthetic leg.

Heads turned as he stopped in front of the deck, mumbled to himself, and took a bite out of an apple.  Jaws dropped when his leg fell off. Tears welled in my eyes; my face turned purple suppressing my laugh.

“Need help?” Big Steve asked the man.


My chest heaved as he tried to pick up his leg.  I tried to be good.

The man hopped off his bike, picked up his leg and reattached it.  Two steps later the leg fell off again. I bit my fist 3313663trying not to laugh.  When he threw the leg into the street, I lost it.

I ran inside and howled.  Inside, customers asked what was so funny.  Before that night I never had a clear picture of a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.

After a good Samaritan retrieved the leg, the one-legged drunk man secured it and laid on the deck in front of the door.

“Hey buddy, you can’t lay there,” I told him.

He ignored  me. I threatened to call the cops, to which Mullet replied to the man, “I don’t know where you’re from, but in this town, you don’t have a leg to stand on.”

Another night in real life Northern Exposure.

One thought on “Episode 21 What a Night”

  1. I remember that you told me this story. It was great to hear it again. Too funny and bizarre. Maybe you could fit it into a play?
    Thanks for sharing John!

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